I have noticed a worrying trend amongst parents where we basically seem to look for others approval before we dare take a moment for ourselves ! We seem to lack the confidence to do what feels right for us as we fear judgement from others – As you know I am all for self care in terms of putting aside time to read a chapter of a book , do a face mask or have a cuppa but and this is a huge but , we sometimes need more self care than that , we need to unplug from our online lives , unplug from friends and just be on our own in order to catch our breath . Why do we feel shame when we acknowledge this need out loud ? Why are we afraid to say no to yet another task to add to our growing to do list ? Is the real shame actually coming from ourselves and our desire to not disappoint or look like we can not handle life or is it a combination of ourselves and others ?
I really think the pressure is a combination of us wanting to look like we can handle life /not let people down and the judgement we receive from some people ! What can you do to get past that ? For one IGNORE other people , I have found that the majority of people passing snide comments or making passive aggressive statements are just deflecting from the crap that is going on in their own lives and to be honest they do not matter , they do not live your life and they do not know you ! The pressure from ourselves can be trickier but the main thing we all need to do is to give ourselves a break , we need time to shut off , recharge and just be mindful of our own limitations , we would all like to think we are superheroes but even superheroes need a break every now and then !
To help with looking after ourselves we all need to be aware of our limitations and we need to say no to anything that we just can not do so that we do not jeopardise our mental health , physical health and our precious family time ! Obviously this is a work in progress and we all need to really take one day at a time ! I think having one screen free evening a week moving on to putting our phones down during the weekend and just be in the moment , forget about the. to do list , work and bills , take a walk , a bath , play with your kids or go out with your partner , just do something that makes you feel like you again and not the stressed out version of you that you may have become .
My final tip or comment if you like on this is to STOP apologising . I am not sure if it is a uniquely Irish thing to apologise for everything ( even things that are not your fault !) We apologise when other people bang into us on the street and we apologise for putting ourselves and our families first , we need to stop , it is not healthy nor helpful and to be honest we do not need anymore added stress !
So please remember you are doing the best you can and you need a break ever now and then x